The Anthem of Well-Meaning: Things Not to Say to People Who are Depressed I heard you were feeling fine And it's okay, you know It's fine to just be feeling fine And it's okay to be okay you know I'm not sure what you mean When you Say there were plans you had that never changed Well just get on them, you're not dying Just pick up the reins And have a coffee, take it easy Getting laid might clear your mind All things considered, this is not so bad Think of all the things you could have never had There's always places suffering And people who are doing worse than you And maybe it's not what you expected Year after year of being fine But you can't be anything Other than you are Ain't that right Ain't that simple Ain't that easy You can't expect the answers To just fall out of the sky No, we can't be perfect people But I think that we can try And maybe you should be a little grateful For the fact that everyone around you cares about your business And haven't written you off as a lost cause Because if you don't start trying, they might just give up It's not that they don't love you, it's just kind of tough To sympathize with someone who just Doesn't want to Doesn't want to Doesn't want to be And maybe that means it's nothing simple So maybe that means that you should try Cause you can't be anything Other than you are Ain't that right Ain't that simple Ain't that easy You can't expect the answers To just come out of the sky No, we can't be perfect people But I think that we'll survive Why can't you just be happy? This thing can't last that long Your life seems pretty great So just tell us what went wrong I'm not saying you deserve it I'm just saying people change themselves You can't be anything Other than you are Ain't that right Ain't that simple Ain't that easy You can't expect the answers To just fall out of the sky No, we can't be perfect people But I think that we can try

Masking tape residue Boxes filled Good intentions Off-white paint Chipped away Filled with white out back when I was Seventeen, all full of stains From petty boys, built up aggression Dents inside my closet Where I pushed you up against the wall Ask me if it hurt me And I’ll tell you I was seventeen Shards of glass and open wounds And playing legal on a screen And holding out my hands for love When feelings felt like honesty When feelings were just currency And all of that sat right with me Late nights texts Cell phone games Secrets told, had no right to Printed stacks of pretty girls That never felt like me Someone else’s’ daisy chain Those flighty days of unforgiven Liberties, fragility Virginities for one I can see why You thought You had me figured out Each shred of me Came from someone else’s mouth One smile and wave And I would have let you down Coffee cake and stereo I never called you unimportant Nervous summer photographs And taking down those photographs Summers filled with pretty boys Or none at all Fuck good intentions Idolized integrity And nothing left but smoke Ask me if it hurt me And I’ll tell you I was seventeen And never swore the things I said Were anything but vanity I can see why You thought You had me figured out Each shred of me Came with someone else’s doubt One whispered word And I would have let me down And I would have let me down Ask me if he touched me And I’ll tell you I was seventeen Everything I ever said Was what I thought was wrong with me I can see why You thought You had me figured out Each shred of me Came from someone else’s mouth One whispered word And you could have let me out

Thoughts from 2AM: Things I Think When I Am Having a Panic Attack Dear professor -- I feel I should apologize for something Mostly for sleeping through your class today Ha ha ha ha But you know I'm a good student It's not typical behavior so Let me take a moment to explain I was up all night on WebMD Trying to figure out if I had Chronic Kidney Disease And trying to reorganize my Sock drawer And on its own, it'd be okay I know I would have made it into class today But then, I had this moment Where I thought I might be pregnant G With the Son of God, or something C D And that kind of freaked me out C D G And all in all, I think I'm doing fine C D It's just some days my thoughts go somewhere I don't know And all in all, those thoughts are just benign It's just my hyperactive mind I find I'm dealing with it now Dearest friend I'm sorry if I freaked you out today Probably shouldn't go to Experimental film festivals anyway And I know I don't remember Exactly what I said But I promise I won't try to run away It's just, it comes on quickly And I haven't got much warning And I end up saying things I shouldn't say And all in all, it's really not that bad It's just, I think of dying Everywhere I go And though you think those thoughts might be quite sad It's not a plan, it's not that mad I've had A hundred ways to go And there are days it gets exhausting When walls seem to close in wherever I turn But then I close my eyes and think and think and think and think and think and think and think and think and think and think and think and think and think and think and stop Maybe you think that I'm just a mine Just waiting to go off when I am under-toe But hey, it's not like we can be divine And god, I know I'm not sublime I'm fine I'm working on it now And maybe it's just me walking this line My god, I wish my brain was kind I'm fine

Hey dear You say you've got a broken brain, dear And I could say I feel the same but I won't lie And when you say, dear Everything's falling to pieces in ways you don't know I can't figure what to do But to fall apart with you Just a rocks in your pockets kind of day

Sleep His skin is full of sparks Her chest is full of life His smile is full of something more she never saw til now She’s got mesh round her heart Got salt in all her wounds He’s tired of burnt fingers And she knows that she’s still asleep She can feel it in the Heat His fingers are well trained He’s learned to love the keys She’s such a novel source of sound He’s learning how to play She’s sick of tired of games She says her vice is getting there And she’s still get thing there And he drops acid once a week Just to check up on the view Dreams She dreams of empty rooms She dreams of sex with strangers Which is better than the forcing on She’s only dreamt til now He dreams while he’s awake She wonders if it’s better there And if she’s better there And he drops acid once a week Just to check up on the view Just to check up on the view And things Never seem to change And things Are drifting too far gone For second chances Late There’s not a star in sight There is no fall out here But there’s no fall there either And he Collects the things he can Clenched moments in his fists Mesh wrapped around his fingers And she still sees him in her dreams Just to check up on the view

my body is a temple at least, that's what they tell me though the oxford english dictionary defines temple as an dwelling-place of a deity or deities and therefore a house for divine worship. and i think it’s alarming to be mistaken for a building and even if i'm what's inside it i'm not sure that i want to be cause i know that i am sacred i'm don't think that i am pure and if "sacred" means "alone" i think it's fair that i'm not sure and i know it's just a saying i don't have to play semantics but of course i'll play semantics it's my job to play semantics and my body is a plaything and that’s where it gets confusing because how can i be a plaything if i’m supposed to be a temple and my body is a wonderland i guess cause i know i am slightly shorter than i should be stand straight you’re commodity and smile more think less ask me all about my body is and my body is a trophy at least that’s what they tell me since it is bright and tight and shiny if i’m consistent with the upkeep and it shouldn’t be too fatty since by body is meat tray and no one likes a fatty meat tray who fucking puts tits on a meat tray but my body is temptation so i’m trying to play fair to be careful of the way i walk and slutty clothes i wear and my body's an organ case i guess cause i know i am slightly smaller than i could be jail bait you’re commodity and smile more tease less ask me all about my but sometimes i am slightly bigger than i could be lose weight you’re commodity and smile more eat less ask me all about my If my body is a temple Then where the hell’s my sanctuary? If my body is a trophy Could you let me know who won? And who am I doing this for? And what am I doing this for? my body isn’t perfect no really, it’s not perfect and i think that that’s okay since joe brown said it in the 50s my body is banana my body is on sublease my body is a hot mess it's a symbiotic masterpiece my body is a sandwich bag my body really likes food my body is a cage and it’s too bootylicious for you my body is gomorra my body is a portend and i think that it's a godsend that my body's been a good friend and i am not my body and i am not my body and i am not and i am not my body and i am not my body and i still am cause i know i am not quite ready but i could be stand straight not commodity so smile more or less ask me all about my

Locker Bitch: Things You Hear Growing Up Weird When I was fifteen And I was still in high school Some kids wrote the word "bitch" across my locker In all capital letters Which is fine I don’t mind being the locker bitch I am a strong opinionated woman And it’s got a nice ring to it: “Locker bitch” When I was thirteen They left a message on my new phone Asking me if I had a vagina It was a weird day And also kind of rude (cause like, if you wanted to know what gender I identify as to get your pronouns right, that’s fine and all, but that’s really not the way to go about doing it, cause honestly it just makes people uncomfortable and it's a shitty thing to do) When I was nine A kid from the adjoining class asked If it was lonely having no friends Yes it was This is not a list of allegations And I’m not one for accusation The annuities for childhood names are slim (Like zero) I don’t think about that much these days I’ve got better stories anyways Though I wonder as the years go by If they ever think of me Because I’m fine now But for awhile It was hard to look into the mirror Say ‘I forgive you,’ for all that you can’t change Sticks and stones that cut like knives But we grew up, and we grew older And learned just what to say Get up Don’t feel Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger Let’s pretend We’re machines And fake it til we make it through the day They’re just words They’re just kids That boy is probably mean because he likes you Take a breath Take the high road I promise everything will be okay Except sometimes When it’s not Did you ever have a game to play When the other kids had gone away? I had one, it was fun, Called “what would people do if I died?” Here’s the crowd, gathered round All saying “what a good kid, what a pity, Please come back, our mistake, Maybe you’d believe us if we cried” That’s fucked up And I know I’m that’s not a normal thing But I know I’m not the only kid who did that And I know I’m not the only kid who thought that And I know that there were other kids who tried that And I was lucky That I had more I had mom and dad to have my back And friends to say that ‘you’re worth so much more’ Other kids slipped through the cracks And multitudes just joined the chorus Who told us what to say Get up Don’t feel Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger Let’s pretend We’re machines And fake it til we make it through the day They’re just words They’re just kids That girl is probably mean because she’s jealous Take a breath Take the high road I promise everything will be okay Except sometimes Except sometimes Look at you You’re nothing less than stronger Know that sticks and stones last longer than they tell you But look at you, you’re here Look at me I’m more than names they called me I’m sick and tired of hating my reflection And I’m so tired with hating my reflection I’ve been sick and tired of hating my reflection And I’m so done with hating my reflection Look up I’m here I’m beautiful, I’m strong and that's amazing So it’s vain That’s okay It’s something that I had to say And so what? Maybe I'll always be the locker bitch When did loving yourself Become the hardest game to play?